I Don’t Want to Go to Heaven

According to some, the title of this post is a forgone conclusion. Some would say after reading this website that I am damned to spend eternity in another place made for the likes of me.

However, I do have faith in Christ and believe that his grace is sufficient for me and that one day, when I close my eyes for the last time, that I will be ushered into a place the Bible calls Heaven. And there’s the rub… I just don’t like the idea of closing my eyes for the last time.

I am being brutally honest here. It’s kind of scary to admit this in such a public forum. I just don’t want to die. Around the age of 30, I remember how panic attacks would take hold at the thought. We would be watching a show on TV where someone would die and I would begin to identify with the character who was “breathing their last breath.”

Fade to black. That’s what I imagine it to be. And then what comes next. Well….I hope it’s heaven, that’s what I am betting on. But what if I am wrong? What if it’s just blackness? I mean really noone knows what happens do they?

And why do I want to go to heaven anyway? Can it really be better than my life on earth? I have my two boys and I love them so. I enjoy so many people around me. How can going to heaven be any better then the life I have right here and right now?

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