Christian ‘Looters’ Destroy Sex Shops


SATIRE ALERT — SATIRE ALERT — SATIRE ALERT
(now does that make everyone feel better)

NEW ORLEANS — Days after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, zealous Christians from several Southern ministries converged on the Big Easy to destroy every sex shop they could find.

“If looters can rob electronics stores, then we can tear down satanic businesses,” said Melvin Smith, a minister from Christ Cornerstone Ministries in Tupelo, Miss. His team of 19 Bible institute students methodically gutted a sex shop in the French Quarter, burning the contents in the street. They left a note posted on the wall: “They will call you the City of the Lord – Isaiah 60:14.”

Smith and others saw this as a golden opportunity for New Orleans to shed its partying past and be re-born in righteousness.

“I’d like to see a politician stand up for places like this,” he said. “People said the looters shouldn’t be punished because it was an emergency situation. Well this is an emergency, too. A moral emergency.”

Two blocks away another Christian group emptied a tarot card reader shop, piling occult-related material in the street and dousing it with lighter fluid.

“Thank you, Lord,” said one as the flames reached 12 feet and higher.

“Amen,” said several others, tossing incantation books onto the growing bonfire. The police were nowhere to be seen.

A minister from Alabama who would not give his name said his group was targeting places of “sexual and spiritual deviance.” He had already “taken out” seven such businesses. His remaining targets: a psychic reader shop on Burgundy St., two sex shops and a strip club on Bourbon St., and a bookstore with voodoo-related books.

“This hurricane could be the best thing God ever did for New Orleans,” he said.

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The article above is complete SATIRE. It DID NOT actually happen. But I was left to wonder how long will it be before life imitates art?

Thanks to the Lark News and MMI for this story.

25 thoughts on “Christian ‘Looters’ Destroy Sex Shops”

  1. oops… didn’t read zekes identical point.I still think its weird to start a discussion based on outrage at something that never happened. No offense. It just feels really strange…

  2. Yeah, I guess I’m that naive.I know thare are extremists out there who use the bible for their agenda, but I don’t think most christians are depicted in this story.Sorry for the controversy. i just thought it was a little odd.I’ll try not to express my real opinions in the near future, especially since it’s so difficult to see the computer monitor with my head so far up my… 🙁

  3. Smiley faces ARE the safe zone. 🙂But still, I wasn’t telling you how to use your site, Josh. I just said it felt kinda weird. I also said why make it up? (which I don’t think Steve did… it’s from another site, right?) What’s wrong with that? I wasn’t criticizing you any more than you were criticizing the fake people in the story…I guess what I am trying to say is, “Lighten the f*** up!!” 🙂I mean seriously, Josh. It might be your site, but you NEVER blog with me or anyone else on here. Then, I make a statement you don’t like, and we finally hear from you. Maybe the safe-zone is not so much about smiley-faces as it is about only posting when it’s convenient, and then hiding until it all blows over…I simply posted my opinion. If you don’t want to hear opinions that do not ascribe to the views of scp.com, then either post a disclaimer saying, “If you’re not in our ‘club’, you cannot post” or turn the comments off altogether, so you can feel all safe, cozy and warm inside.Geez!

  4. Actually Steve, as I was reading it, I couldn’t believe there were christians out there who would do something like that. When I saw it was not true, my feelings were, why make it up?I guess I’m not cynical enough for this blog or something… 🙂

  5. I dunno, Jeff… I could definitely see this happening. The congregations you and I attend may not have people that would sink to this level, but they’re surely out there. A Mississippi state senator declared God’s judgment on the wicked casinos and such after the hurricane, after all.My reaction was that this was so believeable that the satire was lost on me.

  6. Jeff…You wrote: <>Actually Steve, as I was reading it, I couldn’t believe there were christians out there who would do something like that. <> Are you that naive Jeff? Or is your head just up your ass? 🙂 (safety zone invoked)Seriously, with your brother reminding us of the God Hates Fags idiots that are out there, do you think there are people that call themselves idiots (er… I mean Christians) that wouldn’t be capable of this type of crap?Yeah it might be weird to talk about fiction, but we ARE talking about it because there are Christians out there that might have actually read this article and thought, “Hey that sounds like a good idea. Let’s go get Bubba and Hank and I we’ll meet ya’ll down at the porn shop!”(The above two sentences were fiction used in a satirical way to make a point for the readers. Any likeness or references to “Bubba” and “Hank” are not intended to reflect on any real persons named “Bubba” and “Hank”. We are certain that people named “Bubba” and “Hank” are nice people and would never cause any harm whatsoever to porn shops in their area.)

  7. <>Steve:<><>Have your opinions…share them…no one is telling you you can’t.<><>Josh:<><>Chill out. And don’t tell us how to use our site.<>

  8. So why is it Jeff when I come back at you do you immediately go with the “I guess I won’t express my opinions anymore”. You’ve done something along those lines before on this site.That’s the equivalent of you saying “I’ll just take my ball and go home”. Geesh Jeff…It’s OK for you to disagree with us…and it’s OK with us to disagree with you. Right? Have your opinions…share them…no one is telling you you can’t. You claim we are a “club”…and I think that’s what you want us to be… listening to you and just being thankful you commented without offering opposition. If I disagree with you I will let it fly…and you should do the same.Finally… on your last point…no one said “most Christians” are depicted in this story. Most Christians don’t protest abortion clinics, drive around with idiotic bumper stickers on their cars, or obnoxious T-shirts on, or with George Bush stickers on their cars…. errr… well they are guilty of the last one. Anyway…some Christians are extremely stupid…the rest of us are just slightly stupid. I hope we can agree on that.Now, come on and stick around…cause your balls are so much better than mine to play with. 😉

  9. Man, what scares me is that I was actually wondering up until the last line if this might be true. Are we really that screwed up? Wait, don’t answer. sigh.Chad< HREF="http://www.mrpreacher.com" REL="nofollow">mrpreacher.com<>

  10. Steve said:“Same thing happened with the bumper sticker post…next thing it becomes an issue…and before I know it we are discussing the tribulation!! What the hell happened??”We actually discussed the trib?? Where the hell was I? All I remember saying is that the bumper sticker thread was lighthearted and I wanted to keep it that way. But ninjanun seemed to want to go into an all-out debate on pre-trib rapture. I still have yet to hear from her about it though. Funny how that one went LOL

  11. My problem was not the shock that Christians would do that (like others, the satire was lost on me), it’s just that I almost didn’t read the comments at the end because I was so disgusted with the ‘article’. Very likely I would have passed it on to friends as actual news. Since our web-minded consciousness tends to wander quite freely, I’m wondering how many others have already done the same.When you go to a movie, as your example stated, you know you are entering a fiction. Not so when something is posted as a news article. Again, I know you had the comments right there at the end making the “SATIRE” clear –and thank you –but they way people read bites on the web these days, it could be more dangerous than good satire. Do what you like, but, for every action…But I don’t know, I’ll have to think about this a bit more.

  12. Jeff-Have you ever gone to a movie? Are all movies based on actual events? Have those “fake” movie ever brought out emotions in you?Chill out. And don’t tell us how to use our site.

  13. I am truly sorry that I have not met the blog/comment quota.It shows how safe I want to be in this situation and discussion. I WILL try and grow into a mature blog follower. Thanks for keeping my acountable.:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)See – satire.Bitch.

  14. Hey Josh, Jeff’s post had a smiley face on it. Smiley faces create a safe zone around a post, so you aren’t allowed to be offended.You smell.🙂

  15. Oh Leif… no reason to waste anymore time thinking about this one. Go play with your kids… 🙂 And this is a lesson for us all in not believing everything you read, challenging what you do read and completely reading everything before making a judgement.

  16. Well, you had me going. And it’s not as if there’s such a deficit of stupid church behavior that anybody needs to go making some up…

  17. After spending some time at the < HREF="www.godhatesfags.com" REL="nofollow">god-hates-fags site,<> nothing in that article would have surprised me. These guys are seriously screwed in the head, but they really believe they’re doing God’s work. Unbelievable.

  18. I am glad that that was satire, but the sad thing is…it wouldn’t have surprised me if it were true. I would have been saddened, but I wouldn’t not have been surprised. The majority of Christians are not like that, but that sad fact is that the minority can sometimes yell louder.

  19. Ease up on Josh, guys. He’s under a lot of pressure, putting together Steve’s podcast and all.You <>are<> working on the podcast, right Josh? Josh? It’s the podcast, right? Josh? JOSH? JOOOSSSSSHHHH!

  20. I think I am going to stop commenting on my posts again. That used to be my philosophy and I might return to it…talk about weird.I put this up to be funny, satirical and filled with irony about how close this bit of fiction seemed to reality…yes maybe it even seems a little weird (although I am not sure exactly what that means).Next thing I know we are having a discussion….that has nothing to do with anything related to the actual topic. How stupid are we?? (Myself included)Same thing happened with the bumper sticker post…next thing it becomes an issue…and before I know it we are discussing the tribulation!! What the hell happened??OK…we have to be able to have some fun around here folks and laugh at ourselves. Look at me… I promise I am laughing OK…For those of you reading this that do not regularly comment, can you please save us from ourselves and start putting your two cents in. WE NEED YOU!!!!

  21. You know guys, I’ve been thinking about this today, in my travels.First of all, sorry Josh. I wasn’t instructing you in how to use your site, but I later came down too hard on you.Secondly, why did reading this feel so strange to me? I think it’s because when I go to a movie, I suspend my disbelief, knowing it is a fictional work. But this article, with the disclaimer at the end, it kinda has that Blair Witch effect.By selling this story (initially) as real, it creates real emotions toward a real group of people. It arouses opinions and anger. Then when we find out it’s fake, we must justify our still-very-real emotions by saying things like, “Well, I wouldn’t have been surprised”, and christians everywhere are indicted in our minds, based on false evidence.That feels weird, to me… having a real emotion toward a real people-group, based on or fueled by something that never happened.That’s my definition of feeling ‘weird’. But hey, it’s just my opinion…

  22. Oops. I hit the wrong button…I never said I was going anywhere Steve. (But I can see why you took it that way… sorry!)I’m a little pissed off here, though. All I said was that it felt weird holding a discussion around something that didn’t actually happen. I didn’t say you shouldn’t blog about it. I didn’t tell Josh how to run “HIS” site. I just said it felt a little strange… especially in the light of all the real stupidity out there (myself included, I’m sure).I have no problem with satire or anything else. i would’ve hoped you already knew that about me. I wasn’t accusing anyone or judging anyone (until Josh pissed me off…).All I said was how the article made me feel. Granted, my feelings were different than everyone else’s (it’s happened before…). But I wasn’t condescending, rude or anything else negative with them (because I didn’t want brandon to correct me again).Regarding the ‘club’ comment, I was only attempting to convey the point that even though I was the one singled out on your previous podcast for just such an offense, that’s exactly what Josh’s comment (above) did. He was telling me that my opinion was perceived as ‘telling him how to run his site’, while I did no such thing.ugh… this is giving me a headache! I understand my views may differ from many who hang out around here. But never before have I felt that my opinion was unwelcome, until that comment. (Just so you understand my frustration).Oh, and by the way, I still think it’s weird…

  23. So Jeff, its weird to start a discussion based on anything fictional?? That’s an interesting concept. Isn’t that what writing, movies and art is supposed to do… cause us to think?Satire is meant to do just that….not to be condescending, but I actually just looked it up so as not to be off base. I myself wanted to be clear on the definition and man does this story nail the definition head on.<>SATIRE: “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics or other issues.”<>Would you have been really surprised to have read that this WAS a true story?? Isn’t that the point.

  24. Ya know I really gotta learn to read things all the way through. I got halfway through this satire and I was pissed at these so-called Christians.I’m thinking it’s people like this that give people like me a bad name, guess I’m guilty of me-centric thinking here, oh well.Even though it is a satire, there’s alot of real problems with Christians behaving like this. First and foremost in this “article” you can’t tell the Christians from the looters. They’re both breaking into shops and destroying private property. But the Christians have convinced themselves they’re doing God’s work. Get real people, God can wipe out all the sin in the world in the blink of any eye, He doesn’t need your help. And forced righteousness is no righteousness. The city of New Orleans or Las Vegas or Reno is not going to have a spiritual rebirth, if that birth is forced on them and they did not choose it.I think the bigger issue here too is, people don’t need physical things to commit sin. You can destroy all the sex shops, fortune tellers, casinos and whatever else you’ve deemed “Satanic”, and it’s not gonna make one bit of difference. I’ve heard people say that “Oh you can’t go to a casino or a bar or a strip club, those are the playgrounds of Satan!!! Do you want to burn for all of eternity!!! Repent! Repent! Repent!”Satan’s playground, if such a place exists, exists in your mind. What you allow into your mind and the choices you make are what will keep you from a relationship with God. If you want to put garbage in, your life will reflect it. If you want to put in only good things in, you have to decide which is which, your life will reflect it. I know I’m sounding like a stupid church person now, but I believe this.

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