Halloween is a stupid holiday. Not for all of the reasons that church people hate Halloween, it being “Satan’s Holiday” and all. I could care less about that. I hate Halloween because it just seems like a bogus, stupid and irresponsible holiday. Here are some reasons I hate Halloween.
1) It’s just a weird holiday when you think about it. Here we are as a nation celebrating death and darkness. Yeah, I know you can dress up in “positive costumes” all you want, but the basis behind Halloween is death, dead and dying people. Yes, we are celebrating the dead. Gotta love that.
2) Adults trying to take over Halloween as a chance to party and scare the shit out of people, mainly little kids. Hey, listen you attention-seeking assholes, if Halloween is for anyone, it’s for kids. And I don’t care who you are, if I am walking my six-year old around and you jump out of a bush to scare him (or me for that matter) I will beat the crap out of you. Two years ago we had a guy in our neighborhood that hid in a bush and would reach and grab you from behind just as you went to get some of the candy on his porch. What a dickhead.
3) Adults trying to make Halloween sexy and adult-oriented even around little kids. Last year we had one of our neighbors boyfriends (he is a 45 year old man) dress up as Dracula (I think) and then he had handcuffs on his belt and he was carrying a riding crop. Yeah… real kid friendly… a sadomasochistic vampire. Gotta love it! Then you have some women dressing as a sexy Minnie Mouse or Snow White and then walking their kids around. Nothing says its a kid holiday like low-cut outfits and fishnet stockings with your booty hanging out. (Not that I personally have anything against that around me… but just not around the kids.)
4) Finally, the church has to try and use Halloween as a way to reach people. The church down the street tonight will host “The Judgement House”. It’s encouraging the community to come out and discover their final destination. Now that sounds inviting. The opposite alternative is the now entrenched idea of a Harvest Celebration. You can call this “Halloween Light”. You still get the costumes (positive ones only please) and the candy, but none of the scare. The only positive about these events is the occasional dunk tank where you get to drop the senior pastor into a tank of freezing water (sign me up three times for that one).
So overall, I hate Halloween. Of all the “holidays” it is my least favorite. However, Christmas is gaining ground to make it a close second.